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Vivienne Anne Lemery Schapansky Kozakevich
September 13, 1949 - February 13, 1991
My mother, mom, mommy, friend, confidante, mentor, cohart in crime, teacher, student, love of my life. I miss you so much sometimes and other times I forget about you. Is that horrible to say, or horrible to say out loud?
Oh to be able to sit down and share a cup of tea with you. What would you think of me and my choices over the years? Would you have smiled on them or would you have hoped I would choose differently? What type of person would I have been if you had lived? I was (who am I fooling, I am) very selfish and self-centered, spoiled and over-indulged. I lived for me and to hell with everyone else. Two sets of rules, right? I think I am finally starting to understand and am slowly seeing where my choices have led me. You've made your bed... comes to mind among other adages. I see the choices you made and didn't make, and I so much more understand where you were at and what you were thinking. I remember now the things we talked about and I understand so much more. Age is an incredible thing in how it enlightens you and helps you realize the stages others are at and how similar or different they are from yours.
I don't think I would have learned that the same if you had lived. I think there are a great many things I have learned in the past 15 years only because you died. I have been saying for quite a few years now that so much good came from your death - and it only took opening my eyes a little to see it. I think I'm doing well being more positive like you were; regardless what was going on in private, you didn't let that affect the outside world. Everyone thought Viv had it all together and all was wonderful in her world, but I know. And now I so wish I could talk with you about me and my things. I often wonder what your advice to me would be.
Vivienne Anne Lemery Schapansky Kozakevich
September 13, 1949 - February 13, 1991
My mother, mom, mommy, friend, confidante, mentor, cohart in crime, teacher, student, love of my life. I miss you so much sometimes and other times I forget about you. Is that horrible to say, or horrible to say out loud?
Oh to be able to sit down and share a cup of tea with you. What would you think of me and my choices over the years? Would you have smiled on them or would you have hoped I would choose differently? What type of person would I have been if you had lived? I was (who am I fooling, I am) very selfish and self-centered, spoiled and over-indulged. I lived for me and to hell with everyone else. Two sets of rules, right? I think I am finally starting to understand and am slowly seeing where my choices have led me. You've made your bed... comes to mind among other adages. I see the choices you made and didn't make, and I so much more understand where you were at and what you were thinking. I remember now the things we talked about and I understand so much more. Age is an incredible thing in how it enlightens you and helps you realize the stages others are at and how similar or different they are from yours.
I don't think I would have learned that the same if you had lived. I think there are a great many things I have learned in the past 15 years only because you died. I have been saying for quite a few years now that so much good came from your death - and it only took opening my eyes a little to see it. I think I'm doing well being more positive like you were; regardless what was going on in private, you didn't let that affect the outside world. Everyone thought Viv had it all together and all was wonderful in her world, but I know. And now I so wish I could talk with you about me and my things. I often wonder what your advice to me would be.
I miss you...
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