Who

When I started this post, I was feeling badly because I saw similarities between someone quite sick and myself. I wondered if I was still that sick or if I was doing better. It's so hard to tell.

I read an excellent one-word description of mental illness: crippling.

Everything is crippled or at least compromised when one is mentally ill. Self, family, friends, possessions, jobs, trust; the list is endless.

The fear of relapsing is tremendous, sometimes overwhelming. Backward is not a good direction. What if something kicks out? What if something just snaps and * poof * I'm diving back into the completely dead darkness of my mind; pulling away from everyone and everything; wanting to be anywhere but here.

The pain and suffering this causes my family is horrendous. Things have happened so often though, that it's the "norm" now. No one reacts or gets too worked up. Shit happens and it will go one way or another. How much worse can it be than it has been?

Each time it happens is worse than the last. That in itself is terrifying; the last time was one tiny step away from finishing things. It is easily fixed. No more failure.

Life ...

Original Post:

Do we become with whom we associate - whether at home or at work - groups and clubs?

Are we drawn toward those with whom we similar traits? Do we choose these situations or do we deal with the situation in which we're placed?