Tulip's Tantrums

Fifty has come and gone and I conquered it! Mostly with a foot in my mouth as I flitted around, but it's done. I had a wonderful birthday supper with Tyler, Kiershyn, Joanna, Breanna, Peanut and Bean. It was even more special because I thought it was just going to be Ty and Kiki and me. It was a great surprise to see everyone else! I had a steak sandwich with iced tea and the servers brought out a cake and sang Happy Birthday Granny! I got the most awesome presents from Ariya and Hendrix that they picked out themselves: a half eaten Arrow bar (the kids ate the other half when I opened it), chattering teeth (lost to Hendrix), a large stirring spoon, a box of crayons (accidentally left at the restaurant), a package of socks and a baby shower birthday card! It was a lot of fun and so special that these gifts came from their little hearts. Our next special family day is Tyler's birthday on October 28th. We'll have to see if Kiershyn cooks up anything special or if we al

Lisa Crawford is an amazing woman. She owns and operates Simply Stunning Hair and Makeup. She is also a huge proponent for domestic violence and mental health. Sadly, she lost her step-dad to suicide 3 years ago. She has some great messages and videos on her profile. After watching a few, I decided to write to her with my story and thoughts. Here it is. I'm so sorry to hear about your step Dad. Losing someone under any circumstances is so hard but when it was by suicide there are always so many questions that will never be answered. My truly heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I'd like to share a bit of myself with you. To give a voice to those who, like me, are survivors. My story is long and boring, so I'm just going to sum it up: - Physically abused by natural father from baby-5 yrs. - Natural father died when I was 5. - Sexually abused by babysitter's husband from 5yrs-11yrs. - Emotionally abused from baby-17 yrs. - Showed signs of depression as earl

Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure. Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Do you ever feel 'nothing'? Not sad, angry or happy. Not even 'here'. I look in the mirror; stare at my eyes staring back at me. Blank. Just two holes gazing into the darkness. 'Nothing' isn't always darkness though. 'Nothing' is everything happening around me as usual. 'Nothing' is my lack of giving a fuck about anything. 'Nothing' is life carrying on around me while I try to live through my lack of everything. While I am usually suicidal when like this, I tend to analyze it like a problem instead of feeling the despair and devastation I should be experiencing. I'm rather nonchalant about everything. It's hard to hide 'nothing'. People pick up on your facial cues, attitude, lack of regular behaviours - like being friendly and chatty usually

hypo-manic up down flying like crazy the tears can't catch my breath periods are rude don't use how can you say that? you say it about me too your silence unnerves me am I good or bad desolate energetic confident disillusioned peaceful aggressive acceptance love avoidance together alone now never always forever Living to breathe Breathing to live life