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Blackness

Hot and cold certainly describes a bp person. A new and complete mystery and adventure, sometimes every day. Everything is a sometimes and sometimes it is everything.

Cycling: great for fitness; not so great for brains and lives.

Sickness, illness. So hard to talk to anyone. Embarrassing. Mortifying.

Up. Life at the other end of the spectrum. Can and will do anything, nothing beyond my reach. Tiresome though too, but no time for rest. Doing things that wouldn't be done at another time. Intense energy. Intense a lot of things actually. And fast. Intense and fast; snappy, quick to anger and happiness. Change change change; new old buy sell! Plans for everything and everything will succeed. Invincible, unyielding, unsurpassable, inviolable.

Down. Heartrending, grievous, disconsolate, horrible, forlorn, black, stumbling, defeated, crumbling, distressed, confused, sick, sad, dolorous, cynical, troublesome, angry, inconsolable, dying, tragic, invisible, dead.

How long between? Days, hours, minutes? Very rarely weekly and never monthly. No specific emotion to go from one to the other. Could be anything. Anything at all. No rhyme or reason.

Consequences? Conclusion? Fiasco, debacle, wreck.

Yet another failed attempt at a semblance of normalcy.

I hate being outed by my stupid, fucking head. I fucking hate being sick.

Sick with an invisible disease.

A disease with momentous and far-reaching effects and historic, albeit execrable, results.

Here we go up again.

Toodles.

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