This is a repost from 2015. Wanted to share again.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Pondering
I've been doing a lot of reading on bipolar disorder. Trying to read without triggers affecting me. Trying to see that I'm "normal" and that others have been where I'm at, at different times.
An article I just finished reading talks about what might have been. It's really got me thinking about the past 30 odd years of dealing with this disorder. What might have been?
I would have been a nicer person. Less angry. Less mean. Able to hold a job longer than 2 years. Less destructive.
I was a nice person though. A lot of the time. And I didn't let my anger rule me always. I loved deeply and liked most. I was a good worker who excelled in my career field and worked up through the ranks to the top. Unfortunately, I fell from the pedestal in a massive cycling disaster. Again.
Now? I like to think I've gotten better over the years. I've conquered some of my demons and moved myself forward. I take better care of myself (believe it or not). I love those around me and appreciate them just being. I try to love myself.
Mostly I wish I could go back and redo my family life. Listen more and yell less. Hug more and slap less. Relax more and enjoy all the little stages that passed by so quickly that I don't know where they went.
As my Nana used to say, if wishes were horses beggars would ride.
Life happens. Period. No bs about anyone's plan or things happen for a reason. Life just happens.
Toodles
Monday, February 29, 2016
Pondering
I've been doing a lot of reading on bipolar disorder. Trying to read without triggers affecting me. Trying to see that I'm "normal" and that others have been where I'm at, at different times.
An article I just finished reading talks about what might have been. It's really got me thinking about the past 30 odd years of dealing with this disorder. What might have been?
I would have been a nicer person. Less angry. Less mean. Able to hold a job longer than 2 years. Less destructive.
I was a nice person though. A lot of the time. And I didn't let my anger rule me always. I loved deeply and liked most. I was a good worker who excelled in my career field and worked up through the ranks to the top. Unfortunately, I fell from the pedestal in a massive cycling disaster. Again.
Now? I like to think I've gotten better over the years. I've conquered some of my demons and moved myself forward. I take better care of myself (believe it or not). I love those around me and appreciate them just being. I try to love myself.
Mostly I wish I could go back and redo my family life. Listen more and yell less. Hug more and slap less. Relax more and enjoy all the little stages that passed by so quickly that I don't know where they went.
As my Nana used to say, if wishes were horses beggars would ride.
Life happens. Period. No bs about anyone's plan or things happen for a reason. Life just happens.
Toodles
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