I listen but I don't hear very well. I don't retain short-term information. I flipped out at Woodsie because of his "diagnoses" of BPD and cPTSD, which he changed from when we first spoke.
According to Woodsie, I have some BPD characteristics but do not have BPD. As for cPTSD, he says I have PTSD, because cPTSD isn't in the DSM or ICD yet. Once it's medically recognized, then I suppose it will change to complex.
I'm coming up to my 5th session of ACT, with Lareina and Connie. I'm learning well, but not really applying. I'm struggling with addiction as well as irritability and being irrational. When my brain is pressuring me to partake, I'm not using my values to influence my choices. Instead, I'm ignoring my values. I was even considering just leaving out my past week from Lareina, in essence lying, rather than have to face my demons and admit I let myself down.
Woodsie is focusing more on the pot than the other. He says I'm using too much and really need to cut back and eventually stop. Psychologically, I've been relying on pot for 25 years to self-medicate. It's definitely a psychological addiction - I've been warned about tapering off in order to avoid detox issues, which happens believe it or not; I didn't realize that.
It's taken me almost 2 hours to write this little bit. Time to sum it up: Kind of sucky day. We'll see how it plays out.
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