From my peanut butter friend...
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the *Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
*In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
*I had amnesia once -- or twice.
*Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
*What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
*Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
*Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
*Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*What if there were no hypothetical questions?
*One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
*A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
*I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
*The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
*Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
*Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the *Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
*In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
*I had amnesia once -- or twice.
*Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
*What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
*Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
*Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
*Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*What if there were no hypothetical questions?
*One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
*A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
*I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
*The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
*Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
*Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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