DBR stayed at Dadum's last night. BDJ stayed at his friend's as they were heading to WEM this morning. KVS and I chillaxed last night until I crashed at 10:30PM - much too early for her liking but necessary for my state of mind to return to normal.
Dadum's and DBR called KVS at 7AM to get ready to head to the city to spend their Christmas cash. They just arrived home with their loot, which includes CDs, DVDs, a Baltimore Ravens pillow, and a bra and scads of panties (that all put together still wouldn't cover my ass) to feed KVS addiction (I believe she's over 100 pairs of underwear by now). Dadums bought them each a sub and dropped them off at home along with a miniscule bag of cat food (we're all out of dry) for the boys. It took a whole 30 seconds to figure out I am in a bitchy mood today - I snapped about the cat food when I couldn't get a straight answer about why they would buy such a small bag and then snarked at KVS when she was showing me her stuff - flipped a little again when I was attempting to discuss the snotty Subway lady (really unusual for that particular Subway) and decided I'd best just get my butt back in here and write on the blog rather than bitching at everyone. [Dadums has just returned with a slightly bigger bag of catfood; proving he continues to be a thoughtful and considerate man who I believe I still don't really appreciate.]
I'm tired of these mood swings. This has been my life for so long and I'm just sick of it. First it's diagnosed as adolescence, then PMS, then depression, then hormone imbalance, then peri-menopause, then a lack of vitamins and ... fuck! I have a much greater appreciation for the shit my mother was going through in her early to mid 30's - just prior to her hysterectomy and afterwards - this is horrible!! I remember she used to be happy then teary then raging then uncertain ... all in about 5 minutes. I'm the same, and like my mom I think I am really good at looking 'happy, well-adjusted and outgoing' to the outside world. My 'true-self' comes through the moment I walk in the door of home. Sad that we allow this to affect those we live with and love the most. It's a wonder Dadums made it as long as he did, living in this up and down and all around world. I'm sure the kids would love to escape, but they're stuck with their raving, lunatic mother. Suck it up, buttercup!
I know I am not the only female on this planet who suffers with tremendous mood swings. It would be great if the medical community could figure us out, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. I have the hormones of a 60 year-old woman, but get told repeatedly that "we don't treat low hormones; rather we treat the symptoms". Great! Then give me something that will make me calm, happy, well-adjusted, that stops hot flashes and this fucking beard I'm growing, that will make my boobs quit hurting and stop the cysts growing on my ovaries and blah, blah, blah.
Of course, there are things I could be doing for myself that would assist with this, like exercising more and taking better care of myself, but but but ... it's always but. I procrastinate about the things I don't want to do and then bitch when there isn't a magic little pill I can take to make everything better. There are some things that work better than others, but I'm still not convinced that any is the answer. Most likely it's a combination of things I need to do and need not to do, and it's just a matter of me deciding to finally do them. I don't think my answer will come in a pill form (I already take 7 each morning), alcohol doesn't work with my stomach, pot takes away any motivation I may have hoped to possess, and Valium and Ativan are too addictive.
Enough of this rant. I'm sure I'll feel better in about 5 minutes and then worse in 3 and then ... you get the idea. Better get myself moving before the world moves on without me.
Toodles.
Dadum's and DBR called KVS at 7AM to get ready to head to the city to spend their Christmas cash. They just arrived home with their loot, which includes CDs, DVDs, a Baltimore Ravens pillow, and a bra and scads of panties (that all put together still wouldn't cover my ass) to feed KVS addiction (I believe she's over 100 pairs of underwear by now). Dadums bought them each a sub and dropped them off at home along with a miniscule bag of cat food (we're all out of dry) for the boys. It took a whole 30 seconds to figure out I am in a bitchy mood today - I snapped about the cat food when I couldn't get a straight answer about why they would buy such a small bag and then snarked at KVS when she was showing me her stuff - flipped a little again when I was attempting to discuss the snotty Subway lady (really unusual for that particular Subway) and decided I'd best just get my butt back in here and write on the blog rather than bitching at everyone. [Dadums has just returned with a slightly bigger bag of catfood; proving he continues to be a thoughtful and considerate man who I believe I still don't really appreciate.]
I'm tired of these mood swings. This has been my life for so long and I'm just sick of it. First it's diagnosed as adolescence, then PMS, then depression, then hormone imbalance, then peri-menopause, then a lack of vitamins and ... fuck! I have a much greater appreciation for the shit my mother was going through in her early to mid 30's - just prior to her hysterectomy and afterwards - this is horrible!! I remember she used to be happy then teary then raging then uncertain ... all in about 5 minutes. I'm the same, and like my mom I think I am really good at looking 'happy, well-adjusted and outgoing' to the outside world. My 'true-self' comes through the moment I walk in the door of home. Sad that we allow this to affect those we live with and love the most. It's a wonder Dadums made it as long as he did, living in this up and down and all around world. I'm sure the kids would love to escape, but they're stuck with their raving, lunatic mother. Suck it up, buttercup!
I know I am not the only female on this planet who suffers with tremendous mood swings. It would be great if the medical community could figure us out, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. I have the hormones of a 60 year-old woman, but get told repeatedly that "we don't treat low hormones; rather we treat the symptoms". Great! Then give me something that will make me calm, happy, well-adjusted, that stops hot flashes and this fucking beard I'm growing, that will make my boobs quit hurting and stop the cysts growing on my ovaries and blah, blah, blah.
Of course, there are things I could be doing for myself that would assist with this, like exercising more and taking better care of myself, but but but ... it's always but. I procrastinate about the things I don't want to do and then bitch when there isn't a magic little pill I can take to make everything better. There are some things that work better than others, but I'm still not convinced that any is the answer. Most likely it's a combination of things I need to do and need not to do, and it's just a matter of me deciding to finally do them. I don't think my answer will come in a pill form (I already take 7 each morning), alcohol doesn't work with my stomach, pot takes away any motivation I may have hoped to possess, and Valium and Ativan are too addictive.
Enough of this rant. I'm sure I'll feel better in about 5 minutes and then worse in 3 and then ... you get the idea. Better get myself moving before the world moves on without me.
Toodles.
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