In keeping with my usual fashion, I am finishing this on October 18th.
Mom,
Re-reading my thoughts from long ago has been so interesting. I remember things being much harder in some ways and easier in others. I would love to go back to that time now, knowing that I would make it through and the my heart would heal.
I think Dad and I were right about your stomach being the start of the end. You improved after the shunt was put in, however when your gastro problems started, your behaviour and energy level changed as well. The docs didn't listen to us when we said that your belly was swollen, and we thought it was causing a pressure disturbance in the shunt - simply physics really. That pressure caused the shunt to malfunction, which didn't allow the shunt to drain into your stomach, which eventually lead to your coma, stroke and demise.
Is that what really happened? I don't know. I was going to contact Dr. Petryk's office a few months after for a copy of the autopsy results, but I never remembered to do that. I was also going to followup on the study you were part of for the trial drug they gave you when you first arrived at the Alex, but having 2 babies and another on the way kind of took precedent.
Having gone through the various stages of grieving and no longer feeling the first emotions of your death, my perspective has really changed. I can understand more of the medical information and how the different events all add up. I've learned that most cerebral aneurysms are congenital, however other factors throughout life can also cause them. I can appreciate and understand more where people were at. Some close by, others farther away, some coming to see you often and others needing to remember in their own ways. No one is right or wrong in how they live, let alone how they deal with life's situations, nor does anyone have the right to judge. Having respect for one another not just during difficult times but at all the times is the most important thing.
Life has gone on. I have made it with a lot of love and understanding. I have three amazing children who possess so much of you, which bring me joy as I always have you with me through them.
I love you.
Mom,
Re-reading my thoughts from long ago has been so interesting. I remember things being much harder in some ways and easier in others. I would love to go back to that time now, knowing that I would make it through and the my heart would heal.
I think Dad and I were right about your stomach being the start of the end. You improved after the shunt was put in, however when your gastro problems started, your behaviour and energy level changed as well. The docs didn't listen to us when we said that your belly was swollen, and we thought it was causing a pressure disturbance in the shunt - simply physics really. That pressure caused the shunt to malfunction, which didn't allow the shunt to drain into your stomach, which eventually lead to your coma, stroke and demise.
Is that what really happened? I don't know. I was going to contact Dr. Petryk's office a few months after for a copy of the autopsy results, but I never remembered to do that. I was also going to followup on the study you were part of for the trial drug they gave you when you first arrived at the Alex, but having 2 babies and another on the way kind of took precedent.
Having gone through the various stages of grieving and no longer feeling the first emotions of your death, my perspective has really changed. I can understand more of the medical information and how the different events all add up. I've learned that most cerebral aneurysms are congenital, however other factors throughout life can also cause them. I can appreciate and understand more where people were at. Some close by, others farther away, some coming to see you often and others needing to remember in their own ways. No one is right or wrong in how they live, let alone how they deal with life's situations, nor does anyone have the right to judge. Having respect for one another not just during difficult times but at all the times is the most important thing.
Life has gone on. I have made it with a lot of love and understanding. I have three amazing children who possess so much of you, which bring me joy as I always have you with me through them.
I love you.
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